AUG I am forever in awe of the draining and paralasys that waiting for something you can't be sure of does to the spirit. Something hoped for and expected is easy to wait for. you prepare the ground in the anticipation that what is expected will happen. However, when there is no sense of true hope, anxiety sets in an worms it's way into the darkest corners of your soul and feeds on the time as it ambles by. You wish for the time to pass quicker so that you will know one way or the other and be free to make decisions again. At the same time you can't help but fear that the decision has been made for you in a smoke-filled room, but no one has bothered to come out and tell you of your fate.

JUNE The power of desperation is truly amazing. Even the famed Sun Tzu cautioned his students to always provide an escape route for their enemies. Desperation has a way of bringing the absolute best out of someone. Once you have nothing more to lose, it seems the sky becomes the limit. You find yourself trying harder, working faster, being smarter, and achieving the impossible. I guess this why some people really excel when working against a deadline. That, and God seems to have a special place in His heart for those in a bad spot.

FEB I was living my dream, and all was well and good. Then, a terrible thing happened. I fell asleep and had another dream.

NOV How do you mix good works and grace? Depending on good works to get you into heaven is like a waiter serving a table and hoping to be tipped a billion dollars for acceptable service. No matter how good he is he's not going to get that tip. (If you don't believe me ask your server.) Good works done in light to God's grace is like waiting on a table after you've seen the billion dollars deposited into your bank account first. The money is already there and you strive out of love and gratefulness to make the guest expereience the best it possibly can be.

MAY It's amazing how fast things can change. One moment you are planning something, and then you find yourself suspended in mid air like a baby spider riding the wind on a thread. Anything can happen, and you don't know where the wind is going to take you. All you know is that it is going to be a wild ride, and that wherever it takes you will be better than where you are now.

AUG Have you ever noticed the variable speed at which life moves? Sometimes it seems the days crawl by the weeks fly, or even the opposite. Sometimes the day moves slow yet you still can't find time to accomplish all you want. This effect both awes and annoys me. mostly it annoys me. How am I supposed to find ways to kill time when already have too much to do and not enough time to do it. Simultaneously, I'm bored out of my skull and find myself merely hurrying up so I can wait. Oh how I hate the latter. A neccessary evil I know, but still.